TELLING THE CHILD ABOUT DEATH

What to tell the children when death comes? It will come, and it will come hard, striding down the street, or waiting in the yard. It will come, be we old or young, ready or not, braced and brave, or simply honest, and it will hurt. It is a hard transition to leave a loved one's hand and lay the body in the earth.

Those who die are quickly gone, a flash from being, into disappearing. No one knows how they travel, or fly, or reach that over-arching sky of wonder, once their fabric is torn asunder. No one knows if they are looking forward with surprise, or backwards, with tears in their eyes. Though we speculate, the mystery is far too greatend.

We do know how we feel. Suddenly, the beauty, and fragility and cost of love are real. Suddenly, the unpredictability of time and chance are seen to lead us in a tentative dance. We hold warm hearts close. We rearrange our ways to savour who we love the most. We worry, and form a tight protective ring, knowing that when death comes, we really couldn't do a thing.

Tell the children that part of life is sadness. They will understand. Tell them that all of us are part of something temporal, enwrapped in something grand. Tell them you love them, and that others love them too. Tell them that even though the hurt is there, the heart is also there, and will help them through.

Tell the children how you feel. Be honest in your anger and your tears. You are their anchor and their home. Model modesty and emotion in the face of our shared fears. Then, listen. Do not interrupt or make corrections. The touch of death is a corruption, and our little ones are also dying, and trying to make connections. Honour their reflections.


G.M.S.